Gender plays a part in our everyday lives. How does it play a part in your classroom?
Recently, my staff was lucky enough to hear a representative from True Colors speak about gender identity. I posted on Instagram about it, but decided it needed its own blog post!
In this blog post, I will share my own personal thoughts on addressing gender in the classroom, as well as resources to help educators learn more and make students and staff feel more comfortable expressing themselves!
I want to first acknowledge that I am writing this post as a cis-gender woman. While I do not claim to identify as part of the genderqueer community, I have done my research and spoken with many people who do identify with the community to gather what I feel is the best information to share with teachers. I will leave links to my sources as well as other resources written by people within the community to help you get a better understanding of how to address gender in your classroom.
First of all... What is Gender?
Let's take a quick moment to talk about gender. Many equate sex and gender as being the same thing with "gender" being the more kid-friendly term. However, these terms mean two different things.
Gender is a spectrum that can range from feminine, to masculine, to neutral, to in between, to neither. (x) A person's gender is the "complex interrelationship between three dimensions": body, identity and expression ("Understanding Gender"). The word sex is used to describe a person's body - this is often how we start to group children (think "congratulations, it's a girl!"). A child's identity is their "internal sense" of who they are, while expression is how one presents themselves to the world. These three pieces of a person's gender may all be the same, or they may differ, but all are important to how a person identifies themselves. For a greater explanation of terms, check out The Language of Gender by Gender Spectrum. This glossary explains different identities a person may claim or identify as.
Language
Our heads are full of stereotypes, whether we realize it or not. The language we use often reflects this. Many teachers will refer to their students as "boys and girls". While this is common, it can be upsetting for students that do not fit in to the binary, that is, those who do not identify as boy or girl. They may feel uncomfortable and start to experience stress over how to identify themselves. This language can also contribute to the idea of there only being two genders and those genders being distinctly separate. This adds to an "us versus them" mentality, and children may subconsciously begin categorizing themselves this way.
Try neutralizing your language. Rather than calling your students boys and girls, try terms like "friends," "learners," "mathematicians" and other inclusive ways of referring to groups of people. My personal favorite is y'all as it includes ALL students! When referring to students' families, instead of "mom and dad," try "your grownups" or "families." Because the people who take care of your students outside of school may not always be a mom and dad, using these terms is more inclusive of all family makeups. I like saying "grownups" when talking to a group, but personalize it to the individual student when talking one-on-one (for example, if I know a student is raised by Grandma, I will say that, or if they go to Auntie's house after school, I will refer to that grownup.)
Groups
An easy way to split up your students is by boys and girls, right? Well for some of the same reasons listed above, people are starting to see why this can encourage negative stereotypes.
What if I need to split my kids up? There are plenty of ways to put students in groups that do not revolve around sex or gender! Try by birthdays, ages or favorite color! You may also relate it to the lessons you're teaching - who prefers nonfiction vs fiction, for example. For situations where it may seem necessary to split students by gender, for example when regarding bathroom use, try changing the way you speak about it - "if you would like to use the boys' bathroom, please stand with Mr. so-and-so."
Anecdote - Practicing What I Preach
A couple years ago, I was working at a summer theater camp with some amazing people. One of them came to me (I had a lot of experience with education and LGBTIA+ community) asking for advice.
One of our campers, let's call them Sam, was such a sweetie pie who loved coming to camp and was always excited for our activities. During one conversation, the kids were asking if I had kids of my own and Sam had told me "I want to be a mommy when I grow up." The other kids who were a part of our conversation told Sam that "boys can't be mommies." Sam fought back, telling them "yes they can, I saw it on tv!" Because it was almost time to transition to our next activity, I calmly explained that anyone can be whatever they want to be, and the kids dropped it and moved on to a whole different conversation, quickly losing interest as children do. On a separate occasion, we were doing an activity where the children shared what they wanted to be when they grew up. Sam proudly said "a singer, an actor and a girl." Now, on my paperwork, Sam was listed as a boy and had been using the boys' bathroom throughout the couple of weeks camp had been in session. As far as I new, this child was a boy. However, Sam was beginning to tell me otherwise.
The incident that caused a coworker to talk to me followed these two conversations. Apparently, my coworker was talking to a group of children and accidentally said "she" when referring to Sam. She apologized, to which Sam said "it's okay, you can call me a girl." My coworker was unsure how to handle this going forward, so, after a conversation among the counselors, I pulled Sam aside the next day.
The conversation went like this:
We also offered Sam the option to change in the family bathroom when we took the camp to the pool, as people generally entered through the men's or women's locker rooms. Using phrases like "If you are going in the girls' locker room, line up behind Olivia," allowed us to include all of our campers. If a child asked why Sam was going in a different bathroom, we would say "that's where Sam feels comfortable." And that was that. One time, a child asked me why Sam was wearing a dress. I said that Sam wanted to be Elsa (from Frozen). This led to a conversation between the campers about favorite princesses. No one was upset with Sam. They asked questions, and when appropriate, I directed them to ask Sam. I did not have all the answers about her identity - she has all the say in what we share with others, so I wanted to make sure that I wasn't always speaking for her.
Overall, I'd say the situation worked out the best way it possibly could have and I am so grateful for the supportive families and coworkers that helped me to make a child feel comfortable. I learned through this experience how important talking to students about their identity is - the little changes we made completely changed how Sam experienced camp that summer and I am so glad she was able to enjoy it.
What if a Child asks me about Gender?
Kids are curious. They're bound to ask questions. But how do we handle it? Gender Spectrum has an awesome resource with example questions kids ask and how to respond!
Be open! Let kids talk and ask questions! That's how we learn!
Now What?
That was a lot, I know. So let's summarize.
Gender is a big part of how people identify and we can't assume to know a person's gender by looking at them - so ask. There's nothing wrong with asking a person how they want to be addressed. Think of it this way - you tell students what to call you at the beginning of the year ("You can call me Miss Dominguez or Miss D."), let them tell you what they want to be called.
Share your identity. Paul Emerich wrote a great article about sharing your identity in the classroom. For some teachers, this comes easily, but for others it can be hard or outright dangerous. Recognize the privilege you have if this is something you never have to worry about, and recognize that for your kids, having someone openly welcome talking about their identity may be just what they need to feel comfortable.
Visit the links below to learn more about gender and how you can make all people feel welcome in your classroom!
For more resources on gender and sexuality in the classroom, visit these links:
Love,
Miss D (she/her)
Recently, my staff was lucky enough to hear a representative from True Colors speak about gender identity. I posted on Instagram about it, but decided it needed its own blog post!
In this blog post, I will share my own personal thoughts on addressing gender in the classroom, as well as resources to help educators learn more and make students and staff feel more comfortable expressing themselves!
I want to first acknowledge that I am writing this post as a cis-gender woman. While I do not claim to identify as part of the genderqueer community, I have done my research and spoken with many people who do identify with the community to gather what I feel is the best information to share with teachers. I will leave links to my sources as well as other resources written by people within the community to help you get a better understanding of how to address gender in your classroom.
First of all... What is Gender?
Let's take a quick moment to talk about gender. Many equate sex and gender as being the same thing with "gender" being the more kid-friendly term. However, these terms mean two different things.
Gender is a spectrum that can range from feminine, to masculine, to neutral, to in between, to neither. (x) A person's gender is the "complex interrelationship between three dimensions": body, identity and expression ("Understanding Gender"). The word sex is used to describe a person's body - this is often how we start to group children (think "congratulations, it's a girl!"). A child's identity is their "internal sense" of who they are, while expression is how one presents themselves to the world. These three pieces of a person's gender may all be the same, or they may differ, but all are important to how a person identifies themselves. For a greater explanation of terms, check out The Language of Gender by Gender Spectrum. This glossary explains different identities a person may claim or identify as.
Language
Our heads are full of stereotypes, whether we realize it or not. The language we use often reflects this. Many teachers will refer to their students as "boys and girls". While this is common, it can be upsetting for students that do not fit in to the binary, that is, those who do not identify as boy or girl. They may feel uncomfortable and start to experience stress over how to identify themselves. This language can also contribute to the idea of there only being two genders and those genders being distinctly separate. This adds to an "us versus them" mentality, and children may subconsciously begin categorizing themselves this way.
Try neutralizing your language. Rather than calling your students boys and girls, try terms like "friends," "learners," "mathematicians" and other inclusive ways of referring to groups of people. My personal favorite is y'all as it includes ALL students! When referring to students' families, instead of "mom and dad," try "your grownups" or "families." Because the people who take care of your students outside of school may not always be a mom and dad, using these terms is more inclusive of all family makeups. I like saying "grownups" when talking to a group, but personalize it to the individual student when talking one-on-one (for example, if I know a student is raised by Grandma, I will say that, or if they go to Auntie's house after school, I will refer to that grownup.)
Groups
An easy way to split up your students is by boys and girls, right? Well for some of the same reasons listed above, people are starting to see why this can encourage negative stereotypes.
What if I need to split my kids up? There are plenty of ways to put students in groups that do not revolve around sex or gender! Try by birthdays, ages or favorite color! You may also relate it to the lessons you're teaching - who prefers nonfiction vs fiction, for example. For situations where it may seem necessary to split students by gender, for example when regarding bathroom use, try changing the way you speak about it - "if you would like to use the boys' bathroom, please stand with Mr. so-and-so."
Anecdote - Practicing What I Preach
A couple years ago, I was working at a summer theater camp with some amazing people. One of them came to me (I had a lot of experience with education and LGBTIA+ community) asking for advice.
One of our campers, let's call them Sam, was such a sweetie pie who loved coming to camp and was always excited for our activities. During one conversation, the kids were asking if I had kids of my own and Sam had told me "I want to be a mommy when I grow up." The other kids who were a part of our conversation told Sam that "boys can't be mommies." Sam fought back, telling them "yes they can, I saw it on tv!" Because it was almost time to transition to our next activity, I calmly explained that anyone can be whatever they want to be, and the kids dropped it and moved on to a whole different conversation, quickly losing interest as children do. On a separate occasion, we were doing an activity where the children shared what they wanted to be when they grew up. Sam proudly said "a singer, an actor and a girl." Now, on my paperwork, Sam was listed as a boy and had been using the boys' bathroom throughout the couple of weeks camp had been in session. As far as I new, this child was a boy. However, Sam was beginning to tell me otherwise.
The incident that caused a coworker to talk to me followed these two conversations. Apparently, my coworker was talking to a group of children and accidentally said "she" when referring to Sam. She apologized, to which Sam said "it's okay, you can call me a girl." My coworker was unsure how to handle this going forward, so, after a conversation among the counselors, I pulled Sam aside the next day.
The conversation went like this:
Me: "Hey Sam, [Counselor] told me the other day you said you wanted to be called a girl, but we were calling you a boy, so I wanted to check. Do you want us to call you a boy or a girl or something else?"
Sam: "Umm… a girl."
Me: "Okay. We can call you a girl. If you want to use the girls' bathroom, you can let me or [Counselor] know and we will bring you to the other bathroom. I'm going to let Mom know that we talked about this, okay?"
Sam: "Okay!" *runs off to play*After this, we continued our normal routine. The only thing that changed was our pronouns. When Sam had to use the bathroom, she would ask one of the female counselors and we would take her to a separate bathroom where she felt more comfortable. We continued this conversation one day at drop off with Mom, who was so happy to hear that Sam was comfortable sharing with us. "We've been reading I Am Jazz and My Princess Boy at home. I want him to feel comfortable." While I didn't correct Mom's pronouns - that's a big change and she had just learned about Sam's wishes - I was glad to hear Mom was supporting her child and our accommodations.
We also offered Sam the option to change in the family bathroom when we took the camp to the pool, as people generally entered through the men's or women's locker rooms. Using phrases like "If you are going in the girls' locker room, line up behind Olivia," allowed us to include all of our campers. If a child asked why Sam was going in a different bathroom, we would say "that's where Sam feels comfortable." And that was that. One time, a child asked me why Sam was wearing a dress. I said that Sam wanted to be Elsa (from Frozen). This led to a conversation between the campers about favorite princesses. No one was upset with Sam. They asked questions, and when appropriate, I directed them to ask Sam. I did not have all the answers about her identity - she has all the say in what we share with others, so I wanted to make sure that I wasn't always speaking for her.
Overall, I'd say the situation worked out the best way it possibly could have and I am so grateful for the supportive families and coworkers that helped me to make a child feel comfortable. I learned through this experience how important talking to students about their identity is - the little changes we made completely changed how Sam experienced camp that summer and I am so glad she was able to enjoy it.
What if a Child asks me about Gender?
Kids are curious. They're bound to ask questions. But how do we handle it? Gender Spectrum has an awesome resource with example questions kids ask and how to respond!
Be open! Let kids talk and ask questions! That's how we learn!
Now What?
That was a lot, I know. So let's summarize.
Gender is a big part of how people identify and we can't assume to know a person's gender by looking at them - so ask. There's nothing wrong with asking a person how they want to be addressed. Think of it this way - you tell students what to call you at the beginning of the year ("You can call me Miss Dominguez or Miss D."), let them tell you what they want to be called.
Share your identity. Paul Emerich wrote a great article about sharing your identity in the classroom. For some teachers, this comes easily, but for others it can be hard or outright dangerous. Recognize the privilege you have if this is something you never have to worry about, and recognize that for your kids, having someone openly welcome talking about their identity may be just what they need to feel comfortable.
Visit the links below to learn more about gender and how you can make all people feel welcome in your classroom!
For more resources on gender and sexuality in the classroom, visit these links:
- Resources from True Colors https://www.ourtruecolors.org/resources/
- School-Specific Resources from True Colors https://www.ourtruecolors.org/resources/schools/
- The Effects of a Gender Neutral Education (Documentary part 1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y4lgKnmWSk&t=1s
- Educators Discuss Gender in the Classroom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzdYN7PUCBs
- School-Specific Resources from Gender Spectrum https://www.genderspectrum.org/backtoschool/
- Education Resources from Gender Spectrum https://www.genderspectrum.org/resources/education-2/#more-424
- Teaching Tolerance article about sex and gender https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/summer-2015/sex-sexual-orientation-gender-identity-gender-expression
- The Trouble With Being Out and Proud in Schools https://paulemerich.com/2018/10/15/the-trouble-with-being-out-and-proud-in-schools/
- How to Welcome the Asexual and Transgender Communities in your Classroom https://paulemerich.com/2019/01/22/how-to-welcome-the-asexual-and-transgender-communities-into-your-classroom/
- Books about LGBTQIA+ characters https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/7077882-stefanie-dominguez?shelf=topic-lgbtqia
- Queer Kid Stuff webseries http://queerkidstuff.com/
Love,
Miss D (she/her)
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